


I was blind, now I see

by AllKindsOfEverything



Series: Living with the Diamonds [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Yellow has feelings too mKay?, don't worry - I can't not have a happy ending, something in between.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15871932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllKindsOfEverything/pseuds/AllKindsOfEverything
Summary: Set in between scenes of "Legs From Here to Homeworld". Before the search for Pink's ship, Blue finds Yellow sitting by the shore, deep in thought.A careless thought prompts a much needed conversation.





	I was blind, now I see

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for this fandom. Exciting!  
> Thanks to my wonderful new beta buddy - @t_hanson (<\-- go check out her BellowDiamond story "Fernando" on here. It's lovely!)

She found Yellow sitting on the beach, arms resting on her knees, staring unblinkingly at the setting sun.  
Studying her profile, Blue pondered whether to approach or leave her be. Her fellow Diamond had been unusually quiet since their talk with Steven earlier that evening.  
If Blue hadn't known better she would have said she looked perturbed. But that couldn't be right. Why would she be? They had Pink back. _Their_ Pink. True, she was using that somewhat odd looking organic shell, but it was her gem, her aura, it _clearly_ was her.  
How could Yellow feel anything but _happy_ about that?  
She closed her eyes, smiling to herself. She didn't even realise that her Aura was expanding until she heard Yellow growl menacingly.  
"Don't."  
Her eyes snapped open in surprise at the single word, expecting a golden glare to meet her, but Yellow hadn't moved a muscle. She was still sitting there, staring blankly ahead, only that now unshed tears were glistening in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Furrowing her brow, Blue stepped closer, "Yellow?" She knelt down next to her, for the first time noticing the slight trembling of her counterpart that caused the air around them to vibrate in an inaudible hum. From this distance she could see the rigidness in Yellow's neck, the way her jaw muscles clenched, how her shoulders were slightly raised in tension.  
Reaching out a tentative hand she wasn't surprised when her fingertips coaxed streaks of lightning from Yellow's form before she even had a chance to touch her skin.  
She didn't mind the physical pain, she had expected it; what hurt was that her diamond shied away from her touch.  
She dropped her hand, her eyes never leaving Yellow's face, an unvoiced question hanging in the air.

The silence was unbearable. Yellow knew that Blue wouldn't leave. She had come too close; she had seen her distress. Or at least part of it.  
Clenching her jaw, she closed her eyes, feeling the last remnants of those stubborn tears get caught in between her lashes, and took a deep breath, exhaling through her nose.  
"Just," something all too familiar coiled tightly within her.  
_Weak. Pathetic. Unworthy._  
Why did she even _have_ emotions? She was a _Diamond_ . She wasn't supposed to.  
She could feel the electric current crackling between her fingers. Opening her eyes, she looked at her hand, flexing it, watching the sparks dance across her glove, glad she was wearing it. Heaven knew she would have probably turned half the beach to glass by now if it weren't for the flawlessly designed containment fields expertly woven through the fabric.  
Part of her found the idea appealing. She knew that it would make her feel better, but it wasn't an option.  
Yellow curled her hands into fists, willing her emotions to retreat back to that part in the depth of herself she kept under lock and key. She was oddly aware that Blue was still watching her closely. "Leave me be."

The low, resigned tone in her voice made Blue's heart contract painfully in her chest. This wasn't like Yellow at all. Something was deeply wrong and as hard as she tried, Blue couldn't fathom what it might be.  
Looking back towards the house nestled in the lap of the temple she made sure nobody was watching them and scooted closer.  
The moment her hand touched Yellow's back, she felt her go rigid. She let her fingers run up to the base of her neck and rested her chin against an impeccably polished pauldron. There were no more sparks, only the mild tingling of static as she scraped her nails against Yellow's nape. "No."

Yellow huffed faintly, the corners of her lips curling up for a moment. Stubborn creature.  
She took another deep breath; an odd mannerism that she couldn't shake. Blue's fingers brushed up and down the back of her neck, lulling her senses, helping her calm when nothing else could. Yellow felt her shift, then the soft weight of Blue's chest pressed against her upper arm, and a leg was being propped up behind her, coming to rest lightly against Yellow's back. She was tempted to lean back, but she wouldn't.  
She couldn't be weak. Not now. Not here. Not ever.  
Another moment passed before she felt Blue tap a finger against her pauldron, whispering, "Take that off?"

Furrowing her brow, she considered it for a moment, then looked at Blue from the corner of her eye. "No."

A slow smile took over Blue's features; she pressed a kiss to the sun warmed material, looking up at Yellow from under her lashes. "Please?"  
She watched her roll her eyes; a faint glow and then her lips touched silken skin. Nuzzling the now bare shoulder, she leaned in closer and rested her forehead against the side of Yellow's cheekbone, closing her eyes. "Thank you." She was rewarded with a low hum.

They remained like this, watching the sun disappear behind the horizon, and for a short while there was peace.  
But peace never lasted long for Yellow.  
Having Blue so close helped, but there was still that odd tangle of feelings, like a throbbing black hole in the pit of her stomach and now that everything around them was so quiet she couldn't keep her mind from wandering back to it, feeling all that carefully groomed calm slowly getting sucked up, leaving her weak.  
_'Don't give in.'_ She closed her eyes, bowing her head, her body tensing.  
_Steven. Pink. War. Anger. Death. Betrayal. Fear. Pain. Vulnerability.  
_ _Defenseless. Helpless. Useless. No._

Blue could smell the ozone caused by the increase in electricity soaring through her companion and trailed her fingers down Yellow's arm, gently taking her hand, grounding her. "Talk to me."

Yellow swallowed hard.  
"No," she snarled through clenched teeth, unwittingly tightening her grip on Blue's hand more with every self-destructive sentiment that flashed through her mind.  
_Pain. Anger. Confusion._  
_Helpless. Deficient._  
_Overworked. Unbeloved.  
Defective._

"Yellow. You're hurting me."

Guilt pierced through her like a dagger and she let go of the hand she had been holding in a vice-like grip.  
Blue pulled away and Yellow lost against the voices inside her head.  
A desperate wail left her throat and she buried her face in her hands, flooding the beach with a yellow glow that scorched the sand beneath her.  
_Weak. Pathetic. Unworthy. Unloved. Not enough. Never enough._

Blue felt it. All of it.  
Somewhere in the back of her mind she could feel embers of anger through waves of yearning and self-doubt. It was a completely different kind of agony than the one she was used to.  
How well it had been hidden. How blind she had been. Kneeling between Yellow's legs, she wrapped her hands around her wrists and tugged, willing the other to show her face.

She was tired. Why was she so tired?  
Yellow felt cool, familiar fingers against her skin. She surrendered to the gentle pull, letting her hands fall away from her face but keeping her eyes closed.  
Movement; a shift in her periphery and then lips being brushed against her forehead. Her eyes stung; this time she couldn't blame Blue for the tears that left hot trails down her cheeks. She sighed in defeat.  
Her hands were placed against the soft curve of a waist before those cool fingertips ran up her arms and further until they were pressed against the back of her head. Another tug and her brow was resting against the top of Blue's sternum, her nose almost brushing the flawless diamond on her chest.

"I love you."

The knot inside her chest tightened at the whispered words.  
Squeezing her eyes shut, her fingers curled, trapping the velvety fabric of Blue's gown in her fists as she trembled, shaking her head no.

Blue pulled away again, her hands on both sides of Yellow's face, waiting patiently until their eyes met.  
She brushed her thumb over the tear-stained skin then, skimming the backs of her fingers down the wet cheek before cupping it gently, her other hand trailing down to squeeze Yellow's upper arm.  
Her eyes were so doubtful, unguarded for a split second before she turned her face away.  
It stung.  
Blue wasn't having it. She wouldn't back down, not this time; not after catching that rare glimpse of the inner turmoil her darling diamond was suffering.  
Leaning in, she kissed the corner of her mouth and whispered, "I love you." The side of her jaw, "I love you." The spot below her ear, "I love you.".

"Stop."

Her lips trailed down her neck. "Why?"

"You're hurting me, Blue."

She froze. Slowly sitting back on her heels, folding her hands in her lap, she stared at Yellow, her brow furrowed. "I do?"

"You're just... so _happy_." She met her unbelieving gaze. "Just like that," Yellow snapped her fingers. Looking away again, her voice was tainted with anguish, "Six thousand years and I can count the times I was able to make you smile on one hand."

"That's not true."

Yellow continued without respite, "Six thousand years of grief, of despair, of agony."

Blue couldn't bear the remorse in her tone. "Yellow, please."

"And now, all of a sudden... all that _happiness_ ." She met her eyes again, her vision blurred by unshed tears, "Can't you understand how much that hurts? To know I wasn't enough? And then to see that all it takes is for her to _exist_ again to make your heart soar?" She hung her head, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Yellow."

" _Please_ just," she sighed, dropping her shoulders, "leave me be. I can't bear it. It hurts too much."

"No, Yellow, no." Blue reached out, but thought better of it. She was at a loss, desperate to make Yellow see the truth, "I," she trailed off again, trying to think of how to say what she needed to, "You did so much. I _lived_ for you."

Her head snapped in Blue's direction, "What?"

"Oh Yellow." She whispered, tears in her eyes, "My poor, darling, blind, stupid Yellow." They fell when she smiled. "You're the sole reason I'm still here, didn't you know?" She watched her shake her head. "You are the only thing that kept me from shattering."

"I was?"

"You _are_ ." She smiled fondly. "Your love," Blue took Yellow's hand, pressing it against the blue diamond in the centre of her chest, " _our_ love, is why I survived my grief."

Blinking several times, swallowing drily, Yellow licked her lips. Her gaze travelled from Blue's to their hands; feelings radiated from the gem beneath them, warm and kind and loving.

"I," she fell silent, overcome by emotion.

Blue brushed her thumb over the back of Yellow's hand. "I know." Reaching out her other hand, her palm came to rest on Yellow's gem. "I know."

All around them, slowly, the world turned the most perfect shade of green.

**Author's Note:**

> comments make me extra happy ♥


End file.
